the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
