yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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