Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
