So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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