So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
