I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
