roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
