Jerry, you need to find god
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
