Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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