Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
