why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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