May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
