i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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