C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
