vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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