Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
