Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
