Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
