I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
