I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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