You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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