I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
