he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
