I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
