Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
