We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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