I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
