Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
