ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
then he tried to convert me to islam
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
