I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
