I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
