I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
