I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
