oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
