The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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