I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
