no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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