my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
