They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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