We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
