Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
