I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
