is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
