Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
