Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
