please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
