honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
