i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
