I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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