i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
